haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Randomize
