hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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