I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize