Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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