Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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