I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
