I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
