Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
