R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
