I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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