Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
