i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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