He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
