Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
