I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
