..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize