from now on my penis is your penis
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
