margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
