think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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