my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
