This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
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apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
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The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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