East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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