11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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