We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
