Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
