Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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