If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
