I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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