My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize