It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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