i just snorted my name. best moment ever
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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