I chose taco bell over sex...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.