i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.