last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.