my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
