You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
