No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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