u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Randomize
