we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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