On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
