Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
