The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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