I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
