i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
