be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
