Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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