I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
