Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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