it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
