They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
