i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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