She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
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he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
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There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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