i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
