is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You can't special order awesome
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
