Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
