my vag is so smooth its legendary
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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