when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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