he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
