Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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