I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
