I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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